Read the diary of Jamie Kelly, who promises that everything she writes is true . . . or at least as true as it needs to be.

Dear Dumb Diary,

I got another poem from You-Know-Who . . .

She is the fairest blossom, true,

She blooms in any weather.

But I must love her from afar.

We'll never be together.

Signed, M.P.

Can you believe the pain he's in? His suffering? The crushing heartache he endures every time he sees me? Gosh, it just makes me so happy!